


All I Ever Wanted

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:38:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Jonathan thought that news of their trip to Paris would be good news to brighten Clary's day - but as fate would have it, Jonathan would be the one getting the best gift of all that day. (or, Jonathan's POV of the final scene in 3x11)





	All I Ever Wanted

“The good news is, we won’t be here much longer. The apartment can take us wherever we want to go, and if I recall, the one place that my sister has always dreamed of visiting ever since she was a little girl--” 

This is all he’s ever wanted. A family. A real family. After his father abandoned him, Lilith burned him to make him hideous, and his brother turned on him, Jonathan’s only association with those he cares about (and only ever wanted to please) is rejection and pain. But at least where Valentine saw his power and drive and tried to stop him, Lilith embraced and encouraged him. For that he does love her, but it isn’t the sort of familial love he desires. Their relationship is not one of laughter, or sharing food in little cafes, or traveling the world. He’s given so much of his formative years to Lilith, to Edom, and now she’s given him a second chance at  _ truly _ living in return. Now he has the opportunity to give his sister everything she’s ever wanted, and together the two of them can have it all. 

“Paris.” Clary’s voice cuts through his thoughts as she eyes him curiously. He’s so pleased to see the smile on her face at the idea of the city. It makes her happy. And if she’s happy, then he’s happy.

“Absolument.” He says the word with a smile - and why shouldn’t he? Clary’s always dreamed of going to Paris, now he’s able to make that dream a reality; and it’s only the first of many. Once she realizes that he isn’t her enemy they’re going to get along like the perfect pair they were always meant to be before they were so unfairly parted by circumstance. 

He’s so eager to please that he doesn’t see the signs… 

The smile fades as Clary’s hand shoots out from behind her back, driving the knife she holds through the underside of his chin. His mouth gapes open, eyes widening in shock. ‘Why?’ his expression asks, betrayal evident even through the pain. He’s done nothing but care for her, going out of his way to arrange the very best clothing, her favorite foods, and a relocation to her dream destination to start their new life together. 

And this is the thanks he gets in return? He feels a flare of rage he immediately quells. He shouldn’t be surprised. Clary always was a little spitfire, so full of life and energy, and that spark is one of the many things he admires about her. That sense of rebellion is what makes her as spectacular as she is, though he might appreciate it more wasn’t aimed at him. 

The pain is excruciating. The knife pierces through his tongue with enough force behind it but the blade isn’t nearly sharp enough to be efficient for the task it’s set to do. Jonathan gasps for breath as he reaches to pull Clary’s arm away, fearing the worst and readying himself to do the absolute last thing he wants to do: hurt Clarissa. He doesn’t want to, even to save himself - in fact, if he believed that she could survive here on her own then a small part of him is willing to consider dying for her, if it’s truly what she wants. He  _ really _ doesn’t want to hurt her.

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to. A moment later Clary releases her hold on the knife of her own accord. He hears the echoes of his own pained gasps, sees blood dripping from a hole in her chin and the sides of her mouth, the same as he feels on his own face. 

The knife drops to the carpet below, hitting the floor only moments before Jonathan himself collapses next to it. He doesn’t have much time to process - he’s hurt, but Clary is too. His eyes never leave her, watching her suffer the same injury she gave to him, watching her mirror his anguish as she drops to her knees. It’s fascinating, now that he realizes the  _ what _ of their situation even if he doesn’t fully understand the  _ why _ . 

Focus, Jonathan, he mentally chastises himself.  Stele. He needs to get to his stele. 

His hand grabs blindly down his side, finding his pocket and pulling the adamas instrument out in a death grip, afraid to drop the stele before he can bring it to his neck. His body is going into shock. He can feel it, and just a few feet away he can see the effect already taking over Clary’s smaller body much faster than his own. 

Once he activates the iratze it’s mere seconds before the wound begins to close. His breathing levels and his mind quiets enough to think clearly once more. Clary. He has to make sure Clary’s alright. His stele is out and ready to activate her own iratze, ready to take care of her even after her attack on him. He doesn’t blame her: she’s confused, misguided and mislead into thinking the worst of him. He simply has to prove to her that she’s wrong until she sees the truth. After his time in Edom he certainly has the learned patience to suffer whatever small blows like this one may come along the way. 

He stands slowly, watching Clary’s own breathing steady before he can make a move toward her to help. She’s on her feet the moment the blood stops, eyes locked on him in a panic. But she has no reason to be afraid. He’s going to keep her safe. He’s going to keep both of them safe for the rest of their lives together. 

Clary looks confused, and Jonathan realizes that she hasn’t put it together yet. He gives her some time to piece it together on her own: he doesn’t need to feed it to her, she’s too clever for that. She’ll get it, and when she does she’ll sense it too, like a buzzing undercurrent between them. The gift Lilith gave them is so much greater than even either of them first imagined. 

“Amazing,” he says, eyes drawn to the trails of blood down the corners of her mouth and chin. All of his experiments as a child, how things lived and died, what some survived that might kill another - none of them held a candle to what he’s witnessing now. He has so many questions: are they limited to a physical bond, or do they share emotions, too? If he’s cut, she’ll bleed, but what if she cries, an emotional pain so deep the reaction is physical? Will he cry too? 

Jonathan is nearly bursting with curiosity, but Clary’s voice in the otherwise silent room brings him back out of his head.     
  
“No.” Clary breathes the word, eyes locked with his, and he meets her gaze with a smile. She’s got it now. She’s so intelligent, so intuitive. They’re so alike that way. 

“We’re one now little sister.” He’s shaking slightly as he speaks, overwhelmed by the weight this carries. He’s trying to process too many emotions at once: the lingering fear of nearly losing Clary, suppressed anger and resentment over her betrayal, the love of Lilith who went to such lengths for him… but greater than all of them is the overwhelming sense of connection that he’s never felt in his entire life. He belongs to Clary, and Clary belongs to him, and it’s a bond that no amount of distance or circumstance can break. 

It’s all he’s ever wanted. 

“You and I? We’re one.” 

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell) while we all hang out waiting for someone to #SaveShadowhunters ! <3)


End file.
